The Toilet Story

            When I was young, I knew I was different. Having the abilities lift trucks, see through walls and hear from miles away. Well, that’s not me, that’s superman. However, back then in secondary school, I had one of superman’s similarities - Heroism, the art of coming late to the rescue. There’s a saying “Heroes always arrive late”, that’s actually a fact. Imagine if superman always arrive at the scene before anything happens, there will be nothing to be rescued. Thus, there would be no heroism and superman will be renamed to no-man.

            Anyway, let’s get back to the topic of how I became a hero. That’s very simple actually; all I needed to do was to get myself into football game during P.E. lessons and during the most critical moment of the game, I just need to open my ears and listen. Listen to what? Listen to natures call. That will immediately send me to the toilet to do my ritual. By the time I am done, my team would probably be half dead due to the shortage of player and would be crying for my return giving me a hero-like appearance.

            Being a superhero wasn’t exactly my hobby, it was a necessity because some people like me are born with small water tanks. As a result, I became a frequent toilet go-er with no rivals. Some people think that it’s a curse, but I think it’s a blessing. After spending so much time in toilet, it actually develops into love relationship with ups and downs.

            Up is when you a really clean toilet, you feel so comfortable that you wouldn’t even mind sleeping in it. One good example is the toilets in KLCC, the best public toilet in Malaysia that deserves a Noble Prize. They actually station janitors in each and every single toilet and their job is to mop the marble floor from morning till night making sure it shines! During toilet peak hours when you can’t get a position for yourself in front of the mirror for grooming purposes, all you need to do is re-position yourself in front of the floor. When you finally see your own reflection on the floor, guys can just gel their hair in front of the floor and girls can put on their make-up while looking at the floor. Isn’t that just wonderful?

            Down is when get a really run-down toilet. Have you ever had that experience that you just know you have to shit? When you arrived at the toilet happily thinking you can finally free yourself, why are the rooms always occupied? When it’s finally your turn, you don’t feel relief at all after seeing how wet the toilet is with pools of water here and there. The idea of having the water soak into your pants is enough to give you a de-appetizing package for 3 days 2 nights. At that time, you actually have to force yourself play the role Tom Cruise in mission impossible, where you have your pants carefully taken off while avoiding it from touching the pools of water because you never know what’s in the water, you don’t even want to know!

            Trust me, it’s always a bumpy relationship…=P